I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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