meet me or not, i'm out of control
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
