I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
