i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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