do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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