you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize