It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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