last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
