Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
