U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I need a burrito and a hug.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
