I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize