who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
