Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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