You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We're too hungover to prance.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
