You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize