bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
