Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
