what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
