you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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