Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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