the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
