Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
