I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
there is glitter all over my balls
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