I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
please come you make the beer taste better
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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