dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
as a side note pls kill me
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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