I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
