we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
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"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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