I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
