did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
