Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
