Define "chronic" masturbator.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
