The maid of honor just puked.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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