This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
