went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize