Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
