I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
