Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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