Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
