Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
