Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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