I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize