considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
