ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
