True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
