Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
