Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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