Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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