hell yes lets make some ravioli
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
