I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
