Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
