My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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