Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
