New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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