No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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