Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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