im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
