How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
