if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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