If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
