i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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