I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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